“Dreaming of a White Christmas,” as sung by Kim Jong Un

Kim Jong Un
First Chairman of the National Defense Commission of North Korea
Residence No. 55
Central Luxury Mansion
Pyongyang
North Korea

Dear Supreme Leader Trump,

I miss you. Remember when we used to enjoy sending love letters back and forth? I’m worried that MBS and Putin now occupy the place in your heart where Kim Jong Un used to reside. Please say it isn’t so.

You’ve left me no choice but to launch another missile. That seems to be the only way I can re-capture your attention. But don’t believe the fake news that said it was a long-range missile propelled this time by solid fuel. It was just a little guy, and I only used liquid propellant. I have no intention of wiping out your West Coast. I tell this only to you, Dear Leader, so that you can understand my suffering and make amends. I know we have something deep together, not even you can deny it, but I also know that our love might not be acceptable to your people.

I am sorry you are having problems with your Democrat enemies. I’m willing to help you out, my dearest Dotard (and I say this with all my affection.)

I’m very sad for you, my dear friend, that you have to go through this thing called impeachment. I know you are hurt by what your enemies are doing.

If you would allow me the honor of helping you, here’s what I propose. I will issue a report stating that it is our country that possesses the hacked Democratic server and that the Ukrainians did in fact try to sabotage your election. President Putin and I are not friends, but I know you enjoy his company, so I will testify that Russia had nothing to do with the hacking of the 2016 election. It was the bastard Ukranians.

In addition, I will launch an investigation into Hunter Biden and Joe Biden, who have been heavily involved in corruption in North Korea. We have documents to prove that this is so. I would happily receive a visit from Mr. Rudolph Giuliani so we can work out our media strategy to assist you in your re-election bid.

And, lastly, I would welcome a visit with you in North Korea to continue our discussions about building the most grand Trump Hotel in the Wonsan-Kalma tourist area on the southeast coast. You have commented many times on the beauty of the beaches there. I’d be happy to, as you Americans say, “grease the wheels” of a most excellent deal for you.

Let’s make 2020 the year that Trump and Kim Jong Un show the world who’s boss.

With loving kindness and fond affection, still,

Your Little Rocket Man

Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com.

From The Progressive Populist, February 1, 2020

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