It was a cold day in Hell. There I stood in the Ninth Circle next to the lake of frozen blood.
“You rang?” came a soft voice behind me.
I turned, expecting the goatlike demon of lore up on his hind legs and flashing fiery eyes.
But no. My host was a well-groomed white man wearing a blue silk suit. He looked like a corporate CEO.
“Ye-yes, sir. I’m Frank Lingo, he-here to interview you, if you are who I-I think you are.”
“Pleased to meet you. Hope you guessed my name.”
“Well, there’s the Devil, Satan, the Prince of Darkness...”
“Stop, stop,” he smiled. “Just call me Lu.”
“OK, uh Lu, a lot of people say you’re just a myth of old religious fears and you have no relevance in today’s real world.”
Lu reached back and threw a ball of fire that exploded dangerously close to my feet. When the smoke cleared, Lu bared his teeth in a creepy smile.
“I’m more relevant than ever. All over the world my enterprises are thriving.”
“I’m not clear on what your enterprises are.”
“They are legion, lunkhead. For example, the weapons trade is going great guns, whether at your local pawnshop, on the Internet, or selling rockets and warplanes to terrorist regimes. Also, my gangs and drug pushers, from cartels to Big Pharma, are spreading like poppy seeds in the wind.”
“OK, Lu, so you have drugs and weapons. But those have always been underworld businesses. What relevance do you have to the lives of everyday citizens?”
“Is having my puppet as president relevant enough for you?”
“A lot of people say Trump is Putin’s puppet.”
“Vlad is my left hand man. We get together, have a few white Russians and plot the demise of democracy.”
“I thought black Russians were the preferred drink.”
“Only for the mongrel masses,” said Lu. “We try to keep our Caucasian Christian culture pure.”
“Wait, what? YOU are defending Christianity?”
“Sure, I’ve been working with Catholics and other Christian sects for centuries. That’s why it’s sad and hurtful when liberals wage their war on Christmas.”
My head was spinning in circles but I don’t think I was possessed.
“So Lu, let me get this straight. You are offended by the so-called war on Christmas. But don’t you make people commit sins that offend Jesus?”
“MAKE people commit sins?! I don’t think so. It’s not my fault that mortals are highly suggestible. And by the way, the war on Christmas is like the Battle of Concord — a start to make America a Christian nation.”
“You WANT this to be a Christian nation?”
“Of course I do. Any dominating cult will do just fine. That’s why I made a deal with the Evangelicals.”
“Do tell, please.”
“Sure, Lingo, but this is an exclusive, so don’t let me catch you reporting the truth.”
“Don’t worry, Lu. Everyone will figure this is fake news.”
“OK, so the Evangelicals were praying fervently to God for a president to do their will. She wasn’t answering their prayers so I stepped up. That’s when I brought them Donald. Some of them balked when they saw he was a full-time unrepentant sinner, but then he promised to put their choices on the Supreme Court and in other judgeships. His blaming of minorities for America not being great anymore was icing on the cake for these white folks, so we soon had a deal.”
“But some religious leaders are appalled at Trump. The editor at Christianity Today called him grossly immoral,” I noted. “It has even been suggested that Trump is the anti-Christ.”
“That’s nice of you to say but I reserve that title for myself. Trump is just a tool to carry out my will.”
Just then I heard a faraway voice calling to me.
“Honey, are you OK?” asked my wife. “You were moaning in your sleep.”
I woke up in a cold sweat. Was it a dream or … a visitation? Maybe I’m suggestible but my soles were seriously singed. Perhaps my soul was as well.
One takeaway for sure, though. I have no Sympathy For The Devil.
Frank Lingo, based in Lawrence, Kansas, is a former columnist for the Kansas City Star. Read a free excerpt of his novel at EarthVote.world. Email: lingofrank@gmail.com.
From The Progressive Populist, February 15, 2020
Blog | Current Issue | Back Issues | Essays | Links
About the Progressive Populist | How to Subscribe | How to Contact Us