Satire/Frank Lingo

Old Radical, New Volunteer

I went down to Democratic Headquarters wearing my old football helmet. nn“I’m here to sign up for the Left Wing Mob,” I said.

“Um, OK, I guess. Thanks for coming in, sir,” said a bright-faced young guy at the front desk.

“Sure, I’m ready to do my part to demolish the suburbs,” I replied, pulling my Little League baseball bat from my tote bag.

“Well, sir, that’s not really our agenda. But we do need help stuffing envelopes with brochures or calling potential voters.”

“I’m over-qualified for those tasks, kid. You know, I was on the front lines in the anti-war rallies of the 1960s.”

“Thank you for your service, sir, but we’re trying to stay peaceful and get out a big voter turn-out.”

“That’s not what I’m seeing on TV. It looks like the Democrats are finally getting into action by storming police stations and burning down the capitalist pig crapstores.”

“Those are the actions of a few anarchists, sir. They do not represent the Democratic Party or the Black Lives Matter movement.”

“You’re gonna let the police and mercenary troops run us off the streets with guns and tear gas? I’ve got just the thing for that!” I reached in my bag and pulled out a couple of wine bottles with rags hanging out.

“Sir, please put those away. Molotov Cocktails are not the answer to our problems.”

“Well, we need to toughen up! Chairman Mao said, ‘Political power comes out of the barrel of a gun’,” I reminded the young pup.

“Or we need to smarten up, sir. Dr. Martin Luther King said, ‘Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals’,” the pup yapped MLK’s quote back at me.

“I don’t see how such pusillanimous passivity gets us peace and justice,” I argued.

“It already has in some important ways, sir. Gandhi got India’s liberation from Britain using peaceful demonstrations. Dr. King achieved advancements in civil rights with nonviolent protests. But resorting to violence just sets back our cause.”

“What choice do we have but to fight back when police kneel a man to death on the street and other such incidents?” I asked.

“We must demand justice in a court of law. And sometimes justice doesn’t come, but increasingly the police are being held accountable for their abuses.”

“How are the perpetrators going to be charged when most of the victims are Black and most of the prosecutors are White? In case you haven’t noticed, America is a racist country and always has been.”

“That’s true, sir, but have you noticed the huge numbers of white people showing up at Black Lives Matter demonstrations all over the country? And no offense intended, sir, but the younger generation is far less racist than your generation.”

“Yeah, I have to admit you’ve got a point there. So what’s an old radical like me to do in this movement, then?”

“Would you be willing to drive people to the polls on Election Day?”

“Sure, I could do that.”

“Great! We’ve even got these custom-made tie-dyed tee shirts for our driver volunteers, since most of you are from the ‘60s.”

He reached in a box and pulled out a shirt with a dazzling array of colors like the ones from my youth. I held it up and stared in wonder at it for a minute.

“Wow, man, far out! I’m finally getting one of those acid flashbacks I always heard about.”

Frank Lingo, based in Lawrence, Kansas, is a former columnist for the Kansas City Star and author of the novel “Earth Vote.” Read a free excerpt at EarthVote.world. Email: lingofrank@gmail.com.

From The Progressive Populist, November 1, 2020

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