Dr. Jing Chen of the Wuhan Institute of Virology, speaking off the record to Jim Acosta of CNN, said she understood the concerns of US and WHO officials that the coronavirus might have escaped from their laboratory. She assured him it had not.
“But,” she said and leaned forward in her chair, smiling, “What you should be more concerned about is the work done in our lab to alter the cells and behavior of adult humans. You think Marjorie Taylor Greene was a product of natural selection? Ha! You Westerners underestimate us.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Mr. Acosta, uncrossing his legs in the big easy chair and rapidly clicking his pen.
“This is strictly off the record, right?” Dr. Chen said, her brow furrowed.
“Yes.”
Relaxing her posture, she continued, “President Xi Jinping ordered us in 2012 to learn all we could about the CRISPR technology created by Dr. Jennifer Doudna at UC Berkeley. Because of his training in Chemical Engineering, Dr. Xi Jinping was alert to its possibilities. Knowing he could never conquer the US from the outside, he believed he could hollow it out from the inside by crafting thousands of Trump-like creatures.”
“He what?”
“President Xi Jinping ordered us to identify those political dabblers who demonstrated the tendency to be angry, bold and untroubled by falsehoods.
“Enter Mrs. Greene. By using a specialized delivery method, which I am not at liberty to divulge, we were able to clip out any vestiges in her of genes for honesty, empathy, critical thinking and humor, to name just a few of the normal ones.
“In their place we installed souped-up genes for narcissism, mean-girl-ness, and an infatuation with lies, the bigger the better. You saw that in all its glory when she insisted that for Nancy Pelosi to order us to wear masks was as bad as the treatment Jews endured during the holocaust.”
“So you made her stupid as well as shameless?”
“Well, no. She did that on her own.”
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, July 1-15, 2021
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