Comes today a story about Oklahoma’s 2nd District Congressman (a plumber by trade) Markwayne Mullin — and this took place before he decided to Rambo his way to Afghanistan to single-handedly save the nation’s reputation. It was dangerous, buffoonish grandstanding, but nobody ever lost an election in Oklahoma’s 2nd Congressional District by channeling his inner (or outer) Rogue Plumber/Cowboy/International Man of Cluelessness. I live in Oklahoma’s 1st Congressional District — Kevin Hern, former McDonald’s maven, is my rep — so I’m 95% scar tissue before factoring in Mullin. Hern, incidentally, was one 16 GOP House members to vote against a bill to help Afghans who helped American troops because, well, who the hell knows? All of which is to say northeastern Oklahoma will be a grand place for the capital of Trumpistan, or whatever the former president names the new breakaway republic.
Anyway, Mullin — who was put on this Earth to prove it was possible to miss Dan Boren, his predecessor, who did for Democrats what splattered chardonnay does for a white tee — recently had a moment of humanity, which of course meant he was sautéed by the flying Trumpian monkeys, who will not brook such behavior in GOP candidates. It started when the congressman came out in support of the police officer who shot and killed Ashli Babbitt, the 35-year-old former Air Force security guard and, ahem, tourist, who decided on Jan. 6 to climb through a shattered window of a barricaded door at the Capitol and bum-rush law enforcement officials — and who hasn’t done that when visiting D.C? Mullin told Fox that the officer who shot Babbitt “did the best he could” and then expressed his sympathy for the cop on C-SPAN.
“After it happened, he came over. He was physically and emotionally distraught. I actually gave him a hug and I said, ‘Sir, you did what you had to do.’ “
The Free Republic called Mullin a “RINO” and AlterNet said he “defied Trump.” This about the man who embraced the Obama birthers, said, “President Trump is the agent of change that our country so desperately needed,” and opined he was “100 percent behind the president.”
RINO? Please. Trixie didn’t adore Norton this much.
For the fringe of the GOP, though, which is to say anyone not named Romney, Cheney, or Kinzinger, there is no room on the mothership for those who veer, however slightly, from the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler (to continue with our Honeymooners theme). Speaking of, Trump lied — I’m shocked, I tells ya — that the officer who shot Babbitt was head of security for a high-ranking Democrat:
“I spoke to the wonderful mother and devoted husband of Ashli Babbitt, who was murdered at the hands of someone who should never have pulled the trigger of his gun,” the 45th president said in his latest statement. “We know who he is. If that happened to the ‘other side,’ there would be riots all over America, and yet there are far more people represented by Ashli, who truly loved America, than there are on the other side. The Radical Left haters cannot be allowed to get away with this. There must be justice!”
Only a cynic would say a man like that knows how to incite a riot.
Call me a cynic.
And there’s this:
In a statement, the Justice Department said it did not find evidence the officer violated federal laws or information that conflicted with his account that he believed the shot had to be taken.
And Heather Heyer’s parents are still waiting for a call.
Mullin, who promised to serve only two terms in Congress — he’s now running for his fourth (but now as a glob-trotting plumber cowboy) — has reminded his constituents they should be a lot more grateful that he gave up the lucrative world of P-Traps for them (excuse the self-promotion on the link). Look, he’s not the sharpest bunny in the drawer, or however that cliché goes, but his GOP bona fides of ignorance and insensitivity cannot be denied. Decried, but not denied.
On Government: “This country isn’t ran by just one individual, it’s ran by four branches, but three branches that are in control of this,” Mullin said Tuesday.
On SNAP: “But then I’m looking over, and there’s a couple beside me,” Mullin continued. “This guy was built like a brick house. I mean, he had muscles all over him. He was in a little tank top and pair of shorts and really nice Nike shoes. And she was standing there, and she was all in shape and she looked like she had just come from a fitness program. She was in the spandex, and you know, they were both physically fit. And they go up in front of me and they pay with that card.”
On the Insurrection: “I mean, Republicans, Democrats, the media, the administration, all of us, because we have to learn a different way to debate,” Mullin said. “What we use as politicians and as media is little key phrases, little key things to get people aroused, to get people excited, to get people’s attention. The problem is we do that so much that it turns into anger. And this went too far. This was something that’d been bubbling too long.”
Yeah, that’s the problem: If only we sympathized with the man who drove through Heather Heyer in Charlottesville; if only we listened to the concerns of those who wanted to hang the vice president on January 6; if only we respected those who sell Nazi-themed swag at Trump’s rallies … the lunatics among us wouldn’t be aroused.
On the other hand, you have to be a soulless ghoul to criticize Markwayne Mullin for comforting a police officer at a riot, but to the alt-right (oh, hell, just the Right), all Insurrectionist Lives Matter.
One more thing: You know those 147 Republican House members who voted against certifying the 2020 election, even after the riot? Mullin was one of them.
Barry Friedman is a satirist in Tulsa, Okla., where a lot of people are saying he is doing some very good work. He is author of at least four books, including “Road Comic,” “Funny You Should Mention It,” “Four Days and a Year Later” and “The Joke Was On Me: A Comedian’s Memoir.” See barrysfriedman.com.
From The Progressive Populist, October 1, 2021
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