A New Day, a New Lexicon

President Donald J. Trump Executive Order 13882

We are hereby announcing that we are retiring the words, “compassion,” “humanity,” “huddled masses,” “wretched refuse,” “tempest-tossed,” and “teeming shore” from our lexicon. We are laying them to rest because the only people who are using them in America are the small number of bleeding heart libs—a small percentage, a very small percentage, so why are we allowing them to take up space in our dictionaries and on Google? No need, my friends. We say it’s time to simplify.

The MAGA folks wisely do not want the wretched refuse living next door to them and marrying their daughters? So why invite them in?

And speaking of wretched refuse, it’s been all over the news that the requirements for so-called “safe and sanitary”conditions for migrant children are as follows—medical care, diapers, toothbrushes, toothpaste, warm blankets, comfortable beds, adequate food, clean drinking water, soap, towels, access to bathrooms, comfortable room temperature.

Well, let us just say that we disagree with many of these requirements, most especially soap and toothbrushes. We understand that if we spoil these children, we will be inviting in more of the same, an infestation if you will. We’ve also noticed not that much hue and cry from the American people begging us, to answer: Where is our compassion, Where is our humanity? What about those huddled masses? To them we say: Where is the Million Children March on Washington?

Since you have made it clear that you do not care, we see no reason to continue the charade that words such as “compassion,” “humanity,” and “huddled masses” be allowed to exist. And to that end, we are replacing the misguided Emma Lazarus poem engraved on the Statue of Liberty back in the dark ages of October 28, 1887, with the following:

“Give me your rested, your rich, your hedge fund managers yearning to be free (of regulation), the robber barons of your teeming shores. Send these, the well-housed, the well-fed, the well-sailed to me. I lift my lamp besides the platinum door.”

Please note that all references to “compassion,” “humanity,” “wretched refuse” and “huddled masses” will be eliminated by the end of the year. Mark your dictionaries and your own speech accordingly.

We will be watching.

Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com

From The Progressive Populist, October 1, 2019

Populist.com