When reporting on the “Liberate Utah” protest, April 29, 2020, NPR’s Kirk Siegler played an audio clip from local conservative talk show host Kate Dalley, saying, “Why ruin our lives to keep us safe? I vote virus. Give me a three-day virus. I’m totally cool with that. Just don’t ruin my life to do it.”
Oh, Kate, what have they done to you? Drinking from the blood of Trump doth not freedom bring. In fact, the chimera that is freedom will vanish the minute you hit the ER in your coughing, gasping, fevering, howling, puking state. Unless you have signaled your intent with a tattoo on your chest, i.e. “I vote virus. Please do not waste your medical resources to save my life,” your precious freedom will evaporate faster than a puddle on a hot summer’s day. It will be too late for you to recant. Too late for you to rewind and imbibe all the existing medical evidence about the appetite the coronavirus has for human flesh—how it hops unimpeded from one human fool like you to another, how it sears and suffocates your lungs until you drown in your own bodily fluids. And how you could have avoided the whole damn mess, if you’d only listened.
“Freedom?” Candy Corona cries. “I spit on thee.”
Just say the word, Kate, and we’ll hop right over with our tattoo kit.
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com.
From The Progressive Populist, June 1, 2020
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