Satire/Rose Sorenson

The Dog Ate My Stockpile

In an effort to deflect blame for his many failings in handling the corona virus infestation, Trump carpéd his diem by slapping condemnation on the World Health Organization, suspending the United States’ contribution of $500 million. Now? Really?

Trump has blamed everyone including Obama, the lamestream media, Nancy Pelosi, China, the WHO, the Who, Chris Wallace, Governor Cuomo, and Stormy Daniels for his failure to protect Americans. As he becomes more and more unhinged, it’s just a matter of time before we hear him say to Yamiche Alcindor at a press conference, “The dog ate my stockpile. The dog ate my stockpile, OK? You didn’t know I had a dog? Well, I did, and he ate my stockpile. What’s with you women and your nasty questions? Why don’t you be nice?”

At the very same time he trashed the WHO, to the horror of his European counterparts, Bill Gates and the rest of the civilized world, he also slowed down delivery of stimulus checks destined for beleaguered Americans by insisting that his signature be added to them. But that barely slaked his thirst for adulation. Next, he plans to hold up production of 39 million N95 masks for the same reason. He’s demanding that his signature be set upon them as well. We can only hope that someone in the print shop is going to add: “Make America Gag Again,” above Trump’s signature. A patriotic gesture if there ever was one.

What could possibly be next? Adding a signing statement to the Constitution’s 10th amendment, saying, “Neener neener neener, I can too tell states what to do.”?

Offering to autograph and deliver gold-plated ventilators to his fat cat donors? For a mere contribution to his campaign of $100,000.00?

Offering to have his signature tattooed on the butts of his base?

He’s deranged. He’s unhinged. He’s Trump.

Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com.

From The Progressive Populist, June 15, 2020

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