Satire/Frank Lingo

Trump’s Legacy

It’s not too soon to think about the legacy Donald Trump will leave us. I mean besides him fleeing the White House with all its toilets plugged up with poop.

First, we should re-name some things and places in Trump’s honor. Trumpington, D.C. has a nice ring to it, doncha think?

There will need to be monuments, of course. We could build a Mound of Mendacity on the Mall made of 20,000 (or more) newspapers’ front pages, one for each documented lie, stacked in a pyramid and covered with waterproof polyurethane. You could read the falsehoods forever.

We will also need an eternal image of The Donald, like Mount Rushmore is for Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt. Why not put it on Colorado’s Red Rocks? You wouldn’t even have to color the image with paint to portray his perpetual spray-on tan. The hair would be trickier since that look appears nowhere in nature. But to sculpt the toupee maybe you could use the crowns of a thousand roosters, melded and shaped forward then swept back, and dyed blond.

The Trump Library would be a challenge. No need for books, but how about lining the walls with cell phones showing many of Trump’s most notable tweets?

On a more somber note, every victim of “The China Flu,” could have a jug of bleach left on their graves to illustrate all they would have needed to do was inject some disinfectant to survive the virus.

Across the Potomac at Arlington, the place where all our fallen soldiers with the white gravestones are buried could have a new name: Suckers Cemetery. The most recent graves from the War in Afghanistan could have a special citation of a Russian ruble glued to the headstones to commemorate the bounties placed on their lives by Putin.

And what would a president’s legacy be without a college? OK, I know Trump University was ordered by the court to shut down, fined $25 million and forced to refund the money to students who enrolled, but that is all fake news. So instead, how about The Grift Institute where students learn Trump’s real secrets of success: Always use other peoples’ money; hire professional contractors to build your properties, then refuse to pay them; then when the bills catch up to you, hide most of the money and declare bankruptcy.

But maybe the most meaningful monument to our dearly departing deadbeat will be in President Putin’s office over in the Kremlin. It’s just a little Trumppet on a string that Vlad likes to play with as he orchestrates our elections.

Frank Lingo, based in Lawrence, Kansas, is a former columnist for the Kansas City Star and author of the novel “Earth Vote”. (See EarthVote.world.) Email lingofrank@gmail.com.

From The Progressive Populist, November 15, 2020

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