Satire/Rosie Sorenson

The Woman in Green

Two weeks after President Trump and Melania moved to Florida from Washington, D.C., a large white American Van Lines truck was spotted rolling up to the back entrance of Mar-A-Lago. Reporters had been informed that all of Trump’s White House belongings had arrived three weeks earlier. Curious, Jon Jacobs, freelancer from California, noticing that the driver’s window was rolled down, eased over.

“Wow,” he said, casually, placing a hand on the driver’s door. “I had no idea the Trumps left anything in the White House.”

“Nah,” the driver laughed and said, “This isn’t their stuff. This van is for the Missus.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” the driver said, “She’s moving back to New York.” Realizing his mistake, he looked around as he leaned through the window toward Mr. Jacobs and said, “Shh, I shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Oh, of course,” Jacobs said. “No worries.” Jacobs turned and wandered away, texting the tip to his boss at the L.A. Times which published it, citing an anonymous source.

Within minutes, the news of Melania’s “imminent departure” lit up the internet.

When reporters asked Trump about it the next day outside the entrance to Mar-A-Lago, he scowled.

“What are you talking about. I don’t know what woman you’re referring to.”

“But Melania—didn’t she live with you at the White House?” asked Yamiche Alcindor of PBS.

“No. That woman had her own apartment, did her own thing. My Chiefs of Staff said I had to keep her, though, just to keep up appearances. I was told to go along with it, that it looked good for me to have a wife.”

“But she lived there with your son Barron. They both lived there.”

“No, that was not my wife—that was really a Democrat hoax to make me look bad. Anyone who knows me knows I like ‘em young, hot and blonde. That woman was way too old for me. And the kid? What kid? Never met him.”

Just then, Melania, wearing a green nylon jacket, tight blouse, capris and sky-high Jimmy Choos strolled by on her way to the moving van.

When she noticed the crowd of reporters, she stopped, smiled and said, “Whatever Donald says.” She waved her manicured hand, holding what was later determined to be a copy of her revised prenup. She took a few steps, then turned around and pointed to the back of the same jacket she had worn on their trip in 2018 to visit the imprisoned migrant children at the border.

The big white letters read, “I Really Don’t Care, Do U?”

Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com.

From The Progressive Populist, March 1, 2021

Populist.com