The World Health Organization has identified a new virus variant, one that has morphed from the Monkey Pox into the Putin-Orban Deranged Brain Pox, or PODB Pox. It is believed that the vectors of transmission to America are members of the Conservative Political Action Committee which transported it to the United States from its convention in Budapest, Hungary, in May.
CPAC members worship at the feet of Viktor Putin-Orban who touts his success as a new kind of democratic (“wink wink”) leader, albeit a very very conservative one. Some say Orban is an autocrat in charge of a slow-boiling pot. Frogs beware.
The PODB Pox has been spreading at a fevered pace since their return from Hungary. The signs and symptoms of the newly acquired, deathly allergic reaction to democracy include but are not limited to the following:
a) Desire to scrap our Constitution as Orban did in Hungary, and to write a new one in which white Christian nationalist men are declared the only legitimate citizens and which decrees that the President can henceforth do whatever the hell he wants.
b) Determination to change voting laws to prevent the dreaded blacks and browns from voting.
c) Desperation to complete the takeover of the Judiciary.
d) Plans to build fences all around the US to keep out all brown and black persons. If it worked for Orban . . .
e) Eliminate Freedom of the Press and all media.
f) Ban gender orientations other than white heterosexual men and women.
g) Eliminate the word “Progressive” from all dictionaries.
h) Further codify fear and contempt of women.
The CDC, upon receiving info from the WHO about the new variant, ordered a travel ban on Orban and his minions, thus preventing them from speaking to the CPAC in Dallas, Texas on August 4, 2022.
Matt Schlapp, CEO of the CPAC, cried foul at a recent press conference.
“Damn Fauci, he’s at it again,” he says. “You can’t DO that. This is a free country and we invited Orban and his sycophants, er, I mean his staff.”
“Oh, so now you’re happy we’re a ‘free’ country,” says Lisa Desjardins of the PBS News Hour, “even though the man you worship has buggered his own constitution and slandered the press as “enemies of the people?”
“It’s you liberals,” cries Schlapp, crossing is arms over his chest, “with your woke terrorism who are ruining our country. We had to DO something.”
“But why go outside the country and outside your own party to find inspiration? Why not stick with your previous tried and true free-market capitalism, tax cuts for the rich and hatred for the poor?” she says. “Ah, I get it. You’ve lost the popular vote for the past many elections. Apparently, the people of the United States haven’t been buying what you’re selling.”
“That’s not true,” says Schlapp, his face turning red.
“Seems strange that you would choose to mimic the leader of a regime with the population of Michigan and a GDB the size of Arkansas.You’re genuflecting at the feet of Putin’s pet Orban while we’re at war with Papa Putin over his war with Ukraine? How do you square that circle?”
“I don’t have to talk with you,” says Schlapp as he storms out.
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, August 15, 2022
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