Viktor Orbán, Lord High Poobah of the faux-democratic country of Hungary, phoned Matt Schlapp a few days before he was scheduled to fly to Texas to speak at the meeting of the Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC). Schlapp is the CEO of the CPAC.
Orbán told him, “I’m looking forward to speaking to your group, but I do NOT want that wuss Josh Hawley to attend.”
“Why is that,” says Mr. Schlapp, pursing his lips.
“If you have to ask,” Orb́an says, “I fear for your ability to overthrow your country.”
“W-whaaat?” stutters Schlapp.
“Hawley is a real man of the people, raising his fist in solidarity with the rioters storming the Capitol on Jan. 6 in their struggle against the tyranny of the not-legitimate President Biden, yes?”
“Yes.”
“No,” says Orbán. “Mr. Hawley suffers from the fatal hubris of most dictator-wannabes—all hat and no cattle, as Texans are fond of saying. And then what happens? As soon as he realizes that this is no game, that the crowd might endanger his puny little life in the riot he stoked, he trots out of the Capitol like the sniveling little coward that he is. The meme-on-a-loop of him high-stepping it back and forth and back and forth is hilarious and insulting to our cause. No one wants to be ruled by a coward. A real dictator knows that if you’re planning to rile up the hoi polloi, you’d better be prepared to stand and fight like a ferocious soldier, not run like a csirké szár (chicken shit).
Not wanting to anger Orbán—the man he and others are counting on to help them in their desire to undermine America and transform it in Hungary’s image—Schlapp phones Hawley to give him the bad news.
“Why, that tin pot dictator!” Hawley hollers. “Who does he think he is? My God will smite him dead!” he hollers, like the God-fearing Christian he pretends to be. “We don’t need him to tell us how to subvert this democracy. We’re doing just fine by ourselves!”
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, September 1, 2022
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