As everyone knows, the FBI arrived at Mar-a-Lago on Monday, Aug. 8, with a warrant to retrieve the presidential documents Donald Trump absconded with. The FBI had made repeated attempts to obtain them in the months leading up to Aug. 8, but to no avail. An inside informant reportedly ratted him out.
The FBI carted away 21 boxes of miscellaneous documents and 11 sets of classified documents, four of which were marked “Top Secret (TS),” and three marked “Sensitive Compartmented Information (SCI),” with the remaining four of lesser security value.
On Tuesday, Aug. 9, the DOJ received a call from a second informant, stating that the agents had missed the most important trove of all, hidden in a room called “The Golden Throne.”
“Do I have to do everything for you people?” informant number two said. “There it was in its own special room, crying out ‘Search me, search me, you fools,’ but no, your agents missed it.”
He went on to explain that Melania had presented the Golden Throne, i.e., toilet, to The Donald as a little joke because of his penchant for tearing up secret documents, tossing and flushing them in the Oval Office crapper.
While Trump was away on a campaign blitz, Melania had it installed in the mansion’s residential section in a dedicated room—a gleaming 24ct golden toilet perched upon a 24ct gold and platinum platform. Lifting the lid of the golden John revealed a spacious interior lined with golden fleece, suitable for sequestering hundreds of government documents.
Who would stoop to snoop in a pooper?
When she showed it to Donald upon his return from the rally, he said, “I have to hand it to you, my pretty evil Princess, this is brilliant! Am I the King or what?”
She leaned in, smiled her signature squinty smile and said, “Nobody will ever find all those other top secret documents you have taken from the White House,” she said. “Especially the nuclear secrets you stole for Putin.”
“He’s very pleased that I’ve been showing them to his friends when they come here for dinner,” said Trump, fingering his Cheeto locks. “He apologized for 2020, but said he’d make sure I’d be elected President again in 2024, just like 2016. He’s gonna make me great again and again!”
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, September 15, 2022
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