Jeff Bezos, Founder and CEO of Amazon and one of the world’s richest men, has been following the story of Ron DeSatan’s exfiltration of Venezuelan asylum seekers from Texas to Martha’s Vineyard.
“Hmm,” he murmurs to himself while reading his newspaper over a breakfast of eggs benedict with Italian white truffles and Russian caviar aboard his newly constructed $500 million yacht.
“What’s up?” says his girlfriend, sitting across from him, decked out in nautical-themed diaphanous nightwear.
“Seems like DeSantis didn’t have enough illegals in his own state to ship to Martha’s Vineyard so he had to order them up from Texas to make his point. Classic market inefficiency. I think I can help.”
“I’ll bet you can,” says his Honey, winking and munching on a freshly baked croissant the butler just presented to her on a 24 ct. gold tray.
And thus a new Bezos business was born: “Concierge Conveyance of Outcasts.” He made a few calls to governors Greg Abbott of Texas, Ron DeSantis of Florida and Doug Ducey of Arizona. Their response? “Brilliant! We’re all in!”
Bezos set about employing the same technology for his new profit center that he created for the sale of all of his other Amazon products. Governors can now go online and order up illegals in batches of anywhere from 50 to 5,000. Whenever they’re caught crossing the southern border, federal security agents round them up and pack them onto buses headed for the designated Amazon Hospitality Center for each state. The illegals are each offered $200—more than the $25 per month they would receive for working crap jobs in their dysfunctional home countries.
A minimum of $30,950 per hour per jet flight plus expenses is billed to the states for each trip. Illegals do not have a choice of destination; they are flown only to a Democratic state. Once they board the 747, they are informed of their ultimate end point and handed a box lunch.
“This is fantastic, Greg, don’t you think?” cries DeSatan. “Takes care of our problems, nice and clean.”
“True, true, but don’t you think the cost is gonna stick in the craw of our constituents?”
“Nah. In my experience, they’ll pay anything to own the libs. And besides, we’ve just out-Trumped Trump!”
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. Email RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, October 15, 2022
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