On Sept. 22, 2022, millions of viewers witnessed NASA’s DART (Double Asteroid Redirection Test) satellite collide with a small asteroid named Dimorphous. Dr. Janet Wu, and post doc Jackson Hauck, standing alongside the cluster of other MIT students fixated on the TV, exchanged glances when the broadcaster hailed NASA’s success as “Humanity’s first ever attempt at trying to move another celestial body—to change its orbit in a stunning display of planetary defense.”
Janet stands on her tiptoes and whispers to Jackson, taller by a head, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Jackson nods. “Do you really think we could accomplish that?”
“We’ve got to,” says Janet. “Nothing else has worked.”
Thus was born their clandestine project: DART 2.0, Double A-Hole Redirection Test.
Janet and Jackson met night after night in the MIT laboratory, finally settling on a battle-tested titanium monarch butterfly drone, so lifelike no one would pay it any mind, but tough enough to knock their target out of its orbit.
Sitting in their motel room located near Trump’s Bedminster National Golf Course, they had a clear view on their laptop of the Monarch drone they had just launched over the lush grounds. When Trump finally moved toward the tee and away from his entourage, they sent the Monarch crashing into the back of his head. Impact! He jerked a little, shook his head but continued swinging his club.
The next evening at a rally near Mar-A-Lago, Trump opened by saying, “It’s so good to see all of you here tonight to support our great democracy and one of the best Presidents we’ve ever had—Joe Biden.” Stunned and silent, the crowd soon began to laugh. Oh, that Trump. What a kidder!
“No, no, I mean it,” he said and fluttered his hands. “I want to praise Joe and all the Democrats who’ve worked hard to bring the manufacturing of computer chips back to this country. And for reducing child poverty more than any other president. I’m urging all my Republican colleagues to support him in extending the Child Tax Credit. In fact, from now on, I plan to vote for Democrats.”
Many in the crowd hissed, booed, cried and skittered around several MAGAs who had fainted. They were heard muttering, “What the hell just happened? Soros must have poisoned him. That was not our Trump that we saw back there.”
During the “War Room,” Steve Bannon’s podcast, he hollered, “He must have had a stroke or something. I hate to say it but if he continues like this, we’ve just seen the end of Trumpism!”
Norah O’Donnell, of CBS, interviewed Trump about his turn-about.
“No, Nora, I don’t think it was a turn. I’ve always loved my country, and now I see it more clearly. I hope my supporters can feel the same way.”
Watching the interview, Janet and Jackson bump fists. Janet hollers, “We did it! We knocked him out of his fascist orbit. Too bad we can’t tell anyone. This is worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize!”
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, November 15, 2022
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