What if Democrats Were Republicans?

By BARRY FRIEDMAN

The Democratic Party is starting to look like a deranged cabal of grifters, sexual deviants, and constitutional ignoramuses.  

But enough about why its support among its rank and file is still strong.

This was underscored recently, though by no means exclusively, with revelations that associate Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor accepted exotic vacations and luxury cruises from financier George Soros since joining the court in 2009. Further, it was alleged in news reports — downplayed by liberal-leaning media outlets MSNBC, the Washington Post, and the New York Times — that Soros purchased the South Bronx tenement where the associate justice’s mother, Celina Báez, lived and raised her two children, the future associate justice and a son, Juan. Soros paid for the renovation of the tenement and allowed Báez to continue living there until she moved to Weston, Florida.

Soros, through a spokesperson, said he bought the apartment in order to upgrade it and make it a museum to honor her being appointed the first Latina on the highest court in the land.

When asked about the arrangement, Sotomayor — if you remember, at her confirmation hearings she screamed at Sen. Lindsey Graham, “I smoked pot with my friends! Almost everyone did. Sometimes I smoked too much. Sometimes others did. I liked pot. I still like pot!” while also characterizing criticism of her as a high-tech linchamiento — said, “Early in my tenure at the court, I sought guidance from my colleagues and others in the judiciary, and was advised that this sort of personal hospitality from close personal friends, who did not have business before the Court, wasn’t required to be reported. These guidelines have now changed, and it is, of course, my intent to follow this guidance in the future. George and Tamiko [Soros’s present wife] are among our dearest friends for over 25 years.” She contends that Soros has no matter before the court and that she and her husband, Kevin Noonan, enjoyed personal hospitality from the billionaire and his wife. When asked about these and other charges, associate Justice Elena Kagan, also appointed by Democrat Barack Obama and a close friend of Sotomayor, told CBS’s Leslie Stahl, “Get over it.” 

In California, Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom has outlawed the teaching of all religion and other “divine concepts” in public schools, even in courses such as comparative literature, saying it “sows divisiveness in our schools.” Additionally, the California Department of Education will now require students to view alternative sexual practices — man and man, woman and woman, man and woman, beastiality, pedophilia — in what the department hopes will expose students to “Alternative Lifestyles and Practices.” Newsom, a possible presidential candidate in 2024, said, “Jesus does not own one square inch of California. If that makes people uncomfortable, they don’t have to live here.” 

In the House of Representatives, New York Democratic Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said of Jack Teixeira, a young member of the Massachusetts Air National Guard who was arrested for allegedly leaking hundreds of pages of classified military intelligence, “He’s White, male, and Christian. Of course he’s guilty and of course he’ll be let go. If the suspect were Black or Hispanic, he would have already been tried and convicted.” 

She also said that Republican “killings of Democrats” has already begun.

Meanwhile, former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, who is running for president in 2024, even though she’s under indictment for fraud, insurrection and leaking state secrets, is also being investigated for sexually assaulting a young male in a dressing room at Bergdorf Goodman department store in New York City. Clinton has denied it, saying, “I don’t even know the guy. He’s a liar. Besides, he’s not my type.” 

In liberal-leaning Rhode Island, the Democrat-controlled Senate expelled three GOP members — now being called  “the Providence Three” — for what Democratic officials are calling “disorderly behavior.” 

And this past week, in a forum in Nashville on abortion, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who announced in February he is a candidate, said, “I would support abortion up until the day the child was born — even a few days after, say, while the mother and born fetus were still at the hospital.” The DNC issued a statement: “Unlike the Republican Party, we don’t tell our presidential candidates what to think. We believe that Robert F. Kennedy values life, as do all Americans, and we wish the GOP would stop using the issue to further wedge the American public. Most Americans are worried about putting gas in their cars, and border security, and not what one candidate says about this or that.”

Also, Clinton — and most polls show her handily winning the nomination — told the party faithful in Nashville, “I predict potential death and destruction if I am denied the presidency again. Only deranged psychopaths would keep me from it. USA-hating people will not win. I will. I am your siren!”  

The crowd gave her a standing ovation.

Barry Friedman is an essayist, political columnist, petroleum geology reporter and comedian living in Tulsa, Okla. His latest book, “Jack Sh*t: Volume One: Voluptuous Bagels and other Concerns of Jack Friedman” has been released. In addition, he is the author of “Road Comic,” “Funny You Should Mention It,” “Four Days and a Year Later,” “The Joke Was On Me,” and a novel, “Jacob Fishman’s Marriages.” This column may contain satire, and “facts” alleged herein are no more trustworthy than a Fox “News” broadcast — but these are considerably more amusing. See barrysfriedman.com and friedmanoftheplains.com.

From The Progressive Populist, May 15, 2023

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