Rep. Jim Jordan, R-Ohio, and Rep. James Comer, R-Kentucky, have been putting their noses to the grindstone, and now believe they have finally found the sneezing, er, smoking gun with which to impeach President Joe Biden.
“The evidence was right there under our noses all along,” says Comer. “It’s Bayer, not Burisma. Hunter Biden has been shilling for Bayer for decades, all the while knowing full well that the main ingredient in their anti-nasal-stuffiness products, phenylephrine, was worthless, as the FDA has finally declared.”
Comer continued, “Hunter claimed in ad after ad that Bayer’s Neo-Synephrine, Extra Strength nasal spray helped him with his ‘ahem’ nasal congestion. Following Hunter’s advice, every cokehead in America was using it. Now, the cokeheads are pissed and want a big pay-out.”
According to Joker the Coker, Hunter’s former drug buddy, “The Bidens have been sticking their noses in the air at us for years; time to make them pay!”
Hunter has sworn by Neo-Synephrine for years,” says Speaker Kevin McCarthy. “Now we know why—generous kickbacks from Bayer which it has been splitting between Hunter and his dad. Joe Biden worked behind the scenes to prevent the FDA from looking too closely at the product’s efficacy, up until now.”
Ostensibly, Joe knew that Hunter just couldn’t keep his nose clean, so he decided to take advantage of it. According to Jim Jordan, Biden said to a friend, “Well if Hunter’s going to be a cokehead and put my nose out of joint with his many problems, I might as well find a way to get a snootful of cash.”
The Biden camp has refuted this comment.
“Any evidence yet?” says Kristen Welker to House Speaker Kevin McCarthy during an interview with Meet the Press.
“This is an on-the-nose winner for us,” says McCarthy. “Just give us a bit of time to dig it up.
“I’m sure we will find enough evidence to put Joe away for the rest of his life, or for the next four years, whichever comes first.”
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her column is satire and, like Fox “News,” cannot be believed as fact. You can contact Rosie at: RosieSorenson29@ yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, October 15, 2023
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