Elected members of both the United States House and Senate must take the following oath prior to assuming office:
“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.”
On that last part—“faithfully discharge the duties of the office,”—it seems as though Republican members of the House have suffered a collective brain fart. How else can one explain the revolving door of Kevin, Steve, Jim, Tom and now Mike?
Where is Mary? There must be a Mary in there somewhere.
The House doesn’t know it yet, but when Mike runs amok, and he will, they’re only two fools away from the release of a new film: “How the Seven House Dwarfs Humiliated the United States of America in the Eyes of the World.”
During two wars, no less. And, with the clock ticking on a government shutdown.
When asked about the current House imbroglio he ignited, Matt Gaetz said,
“Well, if 21st Century reality no longer accords with 18th Century rules, we must re-write them and formulate a new oath. I have formed a committee with Marjorie Taylor Green and Lauren Boebert to do just that.”
Here’s their new version:
“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will treat our Constitution as a giant Piñata, to be whacked and pounded upon until Conservatives are showered with trinkets and favors for all; nothing to be shared with Democrats.
“As for our enemies? Meh. I will discharge whatever I decide my duties to be, as I see fit: so help me Trump.”
And with that, the Republican-controlled House finally reached consensus.
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her column is satire and, like Fox “News,” cannot be believed as fact. You can contact Rosie at: RosieSorenson29@ yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, December 1, 2023
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