If Biden Loses, Blame My Wife

By BARRY FRIEDMAN

If Donald Trump beats Joe Biden next November, it won’t be because pollsters underestimated the number of Americans who voted for Trump because they believed Jesus wanted him to win — though I’m convinced pollsters will, in fact, undercount such people.

Rather, it will because of … my wife.

Melissa is not a Trumper. But she’s not a Biden-er, either.

And she should be.

On Aug. 16, AidVantage, Official Servicer of Federal Financial Aid, mailed her a statement that reviewed her student loans. She owes $20,703.08. For 22 years, she has paid on these in good times and had them deferred in bad; the interest, however, kept accruing. Back in 1990 and ’91, she borrowed $15,000 to get her degree in public relations from Oklahoma State University, meaning, yes, after more than two decades of mostly paying on the loan, she owes almost $6,000 MORE.

(We not only owe it to people like Melissa to forgive such loans, we owe them an apology.)

On page seven of the mailer, though, was the following in bold:

“Congratulations! The Biden-Harris Administration has forgiven your federal student loan(s) listed below with Aidvantage in full.”

“Holy —“ she exclaimed showing me the letter, “is that what I think it means?”

It was.

Even though the Supreme Court ruled in June that the administration overstepped its authority by striking down its Higher Education Relief Opportunities for Students Act, Biden used the Department of Education’s existing authority to wipe out $127 billion of student debt for roughly 3.6 million people. This was part of the Public Service Loan Forgiveness (PSLF), which was already in existence. The program has been around for nearly 15 years and helped nearly 7,000 borrowers. The president figured out a way to help 700,000 borrowers, including Melissa.

You would think she’d be happy enough to wear a “Biden/Harris in 2024” sandwich board until the election.

She’s not.

Melissa, who is as apolitical as they come, said she still believes both political parties, all politicians, are basically the same.

For the love of Jill Stein!

“Honey, are you kidding me?” I asked. “One party, one president just gave you a $20,000 gift. One Democrat, in fact did that — Joe Biden. No other Democratic president — not Clinton, not Obama. More to the point, if Trump were president, you certainly wouldn’t get it. This is where the “Thank you, Joe” goes.

Berating one’s third wife is a good way to get a fourth one; nevertheless, I am convinced should Trump win in 2024, it will not be because undecided voters prefer him to Biden — it will be because the have concluded there’s no difference (or not enough of one) between them.

In 2021, Senator Joe Manchin, who just announced his retirement (and we need him running for president like the inside of your cheek needs a canker sore), and every Republican senator killed the Build Back Better Act in 2021, which extended the child care tax credit, a credit extension Biden supported. It gave people like Melissa $250 per month to help with her son and,, in the process, removed 3.7 million children out of poverty (gains that have all been lost since). Manchin said he was concerned parents would use the extra money to buy drugs and use the funds to go deer hunting. GOP senators were against it because, as Rep. Kevin Brady (R-Texas) put it, “The country frankly doesn’t have the time or the money for the partisan, expensive provisions such as the child tax credit.”

Reducing child poverty, you see, was too expensive.

This took money away from GOP women, too.

This, as mentioned, happened in 2021.

The GOP flipped the House in 2022.

Just Nov. 7, Ohio voters approved by a margin of 57% to 43% a measure to protect abortion rights — this in a state where Republicans control the Senate, the House, and the Governor’s mansion. Its attorney general is a Republican. In the last 16 statewide races, Republicans have won with 54% to 46% over Democrats. That means, the same Republicans who voted to protect abortion rights are the same Republicans who voted for Republicans who want to take those rights away.

In the latest 538 poll, Trump is leading Biden 51%-43% in Ohio.

This isn’t just a political disconnect — this is political dementia.

(To be fair, Ohio did elect Sherrod Brown, a Democrat, three times as senator, so it does prove that an unapologetic progressive with the right bona fides can win in the state. And he’s up again next year.)

Nevertheless, I have about concluded that former House Speaker Tip O’Neill was wrong — all politics is not local. It’s not even tribal.

It’s metaphorical.

If you believe the government has no business forgiving Melissa’s student loans — I get it. Maybe you paid yours back and have always pulled your boots up by your own bootstraps— but if she takes the 20 grand and, instead of paying AidVantage, buys an Accord at your Republican uncle’s dealership, isn’t that a good thing? Your uncle benefits, Melissa benefits, the Honda plant in Marysville, Ohio, that makes Accords benefits, the young woman she drives to Columbus for an abortion (that you just voted to protect) benefits, and the economy benefits.

The only one who doesn’t is Joe Biden.

Barry Friedman is an essayist, political columnist, petroleum geology reporter — quit laughing — and comedian living in Tulsa, Okla. His latest book, “Jack Sh*t: Volume One: Voluptuous Bagels and other Concerns of Jack Friedman” is out and the follow-up, “Jack Sh*t, Volume 2: Wait For The Movie. It’s In Color” is scheduled to be released in February 2024. In addition, he is the author of “Road Comic,” “Funny You Should Mention It,” “Four Days and a Year Later,” “The Joke Was On Me,” and a novel, “Jacob Fishman’s Marriages.” See barrysfriedman.com and friedmanoftheplains.com.

From The Progressive Populist, December 15, 2023

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