If Biden Were Trump

By BARRY FRIEDMAN

To hear Trump supporters tell it, to read their tweets and posts (and you’ll want to keep the Pepcid close by when you do), the supposed warts of Donald Trump, including his convictions, bankruptcies, bigotry, fines, and indictments are — if not completely fabricated by an out-of-control leftist cabal that controls the media and the courts and wants to cancel you for your patriotism and reassign the gender of your children — mild offenses that are exaggerated by the same leftist cabal.

So, imagine …

Biden paid $25 million to settle lawsuits because his now-defunct Biden University defrauded students.

Biden conceded he used contributions to the Joseph R. Biden Charitable Foundation, including funds destined for the United Negro College Fund and the US Holocaust Memorial, for personal and political purposes.

Biden referred to Poland and Hungary as “sh*thole countries,” adding, “Why do we need more Poles?” and then issued travel bans against predominantly-White European nations for being predominantly White European nations.

Biden, before he was president, was forced to place ads in newspapers that read “Welcome Christians” because the Biden Real Estate Organization, which he and his father owned, refused to rent to them.

Biden told MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell that his message to Jews is, “We love you, we want to work with you, we want you to practice vigilance, we know that if you know a lot, in many cases, we want you to turn in the bad ones.”

Biden declared bankruptcy six times, including at three casinos in Atlantic City, one of which was the Biden Taj Mahal six months after it opened. 

Biden asked his White House chief of staff, whose son died in combat, why he had to meet a soldier in a wheelchair. “Why do you bring people like that here? No one wants to see that, the wounded,” and added, “Never let [the soldier] appear in public again,” and told his same chief of staff that military cemeteries are “filled with losers.” 

Biden gave $130,000 to a porn actress so she wouldn’t divulge sleeping with him while his third wife was pregnant with his fifth child.

Biden, in a conversation about foreign aid with Volodymyr Zelenskyy, intimated to the Ukrainian president that financial assistance might be forthcoming if he worked with Biden’s private lawyer (who was not a government official) to get information on the business dealings of Donald Trump Jr.

Biden took out a full-page ad in the New York Times calling for the death of five White teens for raping a Black jogger in New York City (they didn’t) and never apologized when they were exonerated.

Biden tweeted,  “Wonderful Evangelicals are far more appreciative of my record on Israel than the people of the Jewish faith, especially those living in the U.S.” and that  “U.S. Jews have to get their act together and appreciate what they have in Israel — before it is too late!”

Biden described a mob in Charlottesville, Virginia — holding Tiki torches, throwing Molotov cocktails, screaming about replacement theory, and terrorizing residents — by saying it included some “very fine people,” adding, “There were people protesting very quietly taking down the statue of Robert E. Lee.”

Biden released a video on the evening of Jan. 6, 2021, after rioters had stormed the Capitol in which he said, “We love you, you’re very special.”

Biden refused to accept the election results in 2016 and 2020 unless he won and promised he wouldn’t accept them in 2024 either, unless he won. 

Biden asked the Russians to spy on Trump’s campaign in 2016, revealed a crucial source of intelligence on ISIS to Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov and Ambassador Sergey Kislyak while he was president, and gave nuclear-submarine secrets to an Australian businessman when he wasn’t.

Biden threatened to imprison Trump and his family, and promised to go after “radical right lunatics” in the media after the 2024 election.

Biden supported a plan that, if he is re-elected, would let him strip tens of thousands of federal workers of their civil-service protections and fire them at will.

Biden defended Russian President Vladimir Putin to MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow: “There are a lot of killers. We’ve got a lot of killers. What do you think? Our country’s so innocent?” 

Biden crowed that he received “love letters” from Kim Jong-un and congratulated the North Korean dictator for being elected to the executive board of the World Health Organization. 

Biden encouraged his top health officials to study the injection of bleach into the human body as a means of fighting COVID. 

Biden faced a total of 91 charges across four criminal cases, including 44 federal charges and 47 state charges, all of them felonies, including, as one of the indictments stated, “unlawful means of discounting legitimate votes and subverting the results of the presidential election that he lost.” 

Now, imagine all that, imagine Biden supporters not caring about or taking any of the above seriously, and imagine Democrats preparing to nominate him to be president of the United States … again.  Were that to happen, Trump supporters would post photos of their own gray brain matter splattered on Facebook, Twitter/X, and other social media platforms and buy surface to air missiles to prepare for the next Trumpian-led coup.  

Trump’s warts would be Biden’s metastatic lesions. 

But Biden didn’t do any of those things — he’s not Trump.  

That’s the point. Or should be.

Come November, if we haven’t lost our souls in America (not a sure bet), that will matter.

Barry Friedman is an essayist, political columnist, petroleum geology reporter and comedian living in Tulsa, Okla. His latest book is “Jack Sh*t: Volume One: Voluptuous Bagels and other Concerns of Jack Friedman.” The follow-up, “Jack Sh*t, Volume 2: Wait For The Movie. It’s In Color” is scheduled to be released in February 2024. In addition, he is the author of “Road Comic,” “Funny You Should Mention It,” “Four Days and a Year Later,” “The Joke Was On Me,” and a novel, “Jacob Fishman’s Marriages.” See barrysfriedman.com and friedmanoftheplains.com.

From The Progressive Populist, January 1-15, 2024


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